My name is Sarah, and I live in a supported living flat in Brighton.
I’ve lived here for long time, and I like it. I’ve got my own front door, my living room window looks out towards the sea, and I have the freedom to do things my own way.
I spend a lot of time with Jackson, who has supported me for a few years now. He knows me pretty well, although, sometimes there are things – little things – that he doesn’t always notice. I experience things differently to other people – sights, sounds, smells – you might have heard people call it sensory processing.
I don’t like the ‘big light’ in my living room.
Jackson used to put it on when he came in because he thought it was a bit dark.
I’d say, “Can you turn that off?”
He’d turn it off, and that was that, but one day he asked me why.
I didn’t really know how to explain it. It just felt too much. The light was bright and I didn’t like being underneath it.
Now he usually puts the lamp on instead and that’s so much better.
Then there’s the hoover.
I really don’t like the hoover. It’s loud and it seems to go on forever and I can feel the noise buzzing around in me, making me more and more anxious.
One morning Jackson said, “I’ll just give the living room a quick hoover.” I was watching my morning TV programme so I said, “not now.”
He asked me when would be better.
I said, “once this has finished and I’m getting ready to go to my craft session” – so that’s what he did.
It might not sound like a big thing, but it made the morning much easier for me.
There are other things too.
Sometimes I don’t like the labels in my clothes. They scratch my neck and I can’t stop thinking about them.
Sometimes I don’t want to go into the kitchen if there’s a strong smell, and sometimes I won’t go into a bathroom because there’s a hand dryer. I hate that noise!
Jackson knows now. If someone is using it, I wait outside.
I don’t think I’m being difficult.
I just don’t like how some things feel, and some days are harder than others. That’s the challenge that comes with sensory processing differences.
If I’ve had a bad night’s sleep, or I’m worried about something, things that I might normally be okay with can really bother me. Jackson has started noticing that too.
Sometimes he’ll say:
“You’ve got a lot going on today. Do you want things a bit quieter?” I like that.
He’s not telling me what I should be feeling, he’s just asking, and that’s important to me.
Because sometimes I can’t explain why something is bothering me.
I might just say, “No,” or “I don’t like it,” or want to go somewhere else.
It doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want, sometimes I need a bit of time to work it out. Jackson doesn’t always get it right. Nobody does, but he asks me.
When something is making things difficult, he’ll often say:
“What would make it easier?”
Sometimes I know straight away, sometimes I don’t, but I like being asked because my home is my home and I want to feel comfortable in it.
I don’t need everything to be quiet, dark and exactly how I like it all the time. I just need the people supporting me to understand that the little things can sometimes feel like big things.
A light.
A noise.
A smell.
A label.
A hand dryer.
Things that other people might not even notice, but I notice them, and when someone listens and makes a small change to my sensory processing needs, it can make a really big difference to my day.
This Week’s Coleman Challenge
This week, think about someone you support.
Is there a little thing that seems to bother them?
Maybe there’s something they avoid, something they always ask you to change, or something they seem to find difficult.
Instead of wondering “Why are they doing that?”, perhaps ask:
“I wonder what that feels like for them?”
And if you’re not sure, you could always ask:
“What would make this easier?”
You might be surprised by the answer.